Epiphany

I've been thinking a lot as I've been running. Mostly about the things chasing me, but also about some other stuff that's been bothering me.

First off, there's the Choir. They've been with me since before this mess started, and they have only gotten louder since appearing. I started thinking about what they want, and I think I know what that is. I think they want me to kill myself. I thought earlier that they just wanted me to die, but they can just do that on their own, blow out my eardrums, scramble my brain, and leave me dying in a random alleyway. But no, for some reason they want me to do the job myself. As if they get something out of it. I know what happens to the voices of those they take, but if that's what they want, they could have taken it months ago by force. There has to be something else, something I'm not seeing, or something I'm not supposed to see, but it's not something I want to part with, especially not at the cost of taking my life for their amusement.

Then there's CRITIC. It simply wants me to burn for my sins, like the god of old. It wants me to face my crimes and pay for them with body, blood, soul, and being. But I wonder how much I can even do that. The Choir has such a grip on my mind that I don't think my sanity is mine to control anymore. I remember what I did to that child, I remember every detail, and I know what I did was wrong, but I cannot make myself regret what I did. CRITIC may make me burn, but it can't make me regret these crimes, and I think it knows that. I think it knows that nobody can truly regret their actions, and so all it can ever offer is eternal hellfire. And unlike the Choir, it has no qualms with taking what it wants by force. It is the Devil incarnate, and I will never let myself give into the Devil.

FERMATA chases me for what I've become. I haven't known a friendly touch in many months, my last contact with humanity hung herself at the behest of my demons, and so I am left all alone. Too scared to ask for help lest I drive more people into the clutches of Hell, and too far gone to even want help. The man who seeks my help will either fall by his own hand or will force mine own against him. And since I refuse to aid the devils that way, this devil completes the Catch 22 sealing my doom. He'll catch me before too long, I know that. He's faster than me and can travel farther than me, and as soon as he bores of this chase he will strike like any other predator.

This is the situation I believe myself to be in. And if that was it, then I would be completely and utterly defeated. Luckily for me, that isn't entirely the case. I still have one more option, one more chance for a safe haven, one that I've only recently discovered the merits of.

So I believe this shall be my last post here. I'm going to deny all my aggressors what they desire and end this stupid hunt once and for all. And I'd advise you all to do the same.

Embrace the Archangel.