Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I spent the entire morning watching the news, listening to the newsanchor berate me for not being good enough to hold down a job.

It's not like I'm not worried that there's an eldritch being messing with what I hear, but this just seems so benign. It's almost like I'm getting used to this.

I mean, all it's been doing is trying to convince me that I'm no good, or that I should kill myself, or more laughably, that I should kill Chelsea.

No, Mr. Weatherman, I will not kill Chelsea. Go back to pointing at the clouds and calling me a bitch.

I still need to show Chelsea this blog. Or at least find some way of showing her what's wrong with me.

Because I know for a fact I can't trust myself to tell her directly now. No telling if the Choir's going to skew what I say... Is there? Does the Choir work both ways, or can they only change what goes in my ear?

I really wish Chelsea didn't have to be involved in all this, even if it is just dealing with me.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Inevitable

The boss fired me. Saw it coming a mile away.

Said he just couldn't keep giving me handouts. He said I was given chance after chance to recover, and all I seemed to be doing was getting worse.

I could've told him what is really happening. That I was haunted by a malicious eldritch being that keeps twisting everything I hear. Even then, I could hear the faint outline of a laugh escaping his throat every time he spoke.

But I couldn't tell him. He would have me carted off to the nearest asylum.

Tomorrow I am to clean out my work area and receive my last paycheck. Saturday I will be unemployed. Monday I won't even bother trying to get another job.

The Choir has made me unemployable. I have no higher education to speak of, and now I'm as good as deaf.

I never thought I would have to rely solely on Chelsea's income... I'm going to have to show her this blog. She's been sitting in silence this entire week, and she doesn't even know why.

The Choir has won this battle. But I'm not giving up yet.

Oh dear

I've been told the boss wants to see me before I leave work today.

I think I already know what's coming...

Monday, February 20, 2012

They won't shut up. They simply won't shut up. It's not their fault I can't stand them, but seriously...

What does a guy have to do in order to get a little silence around here?

Friday, February 17, 2012

I woke up yesterday to the weatherman accusing me of committing heinous crimes. Chelsea hadn't woken up yet, and thankfully she wouldn't be awake when I left. I spent the day hearing the gossip fly from person to person, fully aware that they were no longer saying a word about me. The clients had nothing but spiteful, accusatory ramblings. I tried the best I could, but they made it so hard...

I'm taking today off. Something happened. The Choir was never this active before. 10 and 6, those were the parameters. So long as I stayed away from that ungodly time, I would be safe and sane.

They're toying with me. They could make every sound a hell, but they aren't. Chelsea still doesn't know exactly what's going on. I never did explain to her what I found. The longer I wait, the worse it'll be, but now it's going to be impossible...

I don't know what's happening, or why it's happening, but I fear for the worst now.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

So, first of all, happy Valentine's day to everybody.

I really was saving this story for tomorrow. But it probably needs to be told now.

So I was out with Chelsea earlier tonight. We went to one of the fancy local places, had a great meal, and a wonderful time. And really, that was the extent to the story that I wanted to tell...

I think I saw a familiar face while walking back to the car after the meal. We were walking a bit slowly, and it didn't really surprise me that people were walking around us, trying to get ahead. We had gotten to where we had parked, and I had opened the door for Chelsea, when something banged against the back of my leg. I literally jumped, and when I turned around, I saw a man with shades, a large-brimmed hat, and a thick trenchcoat, almost leaning on a black umbrella. He gave a gruff apology, and walked away, umbrella tapping the ground inbetween his steps like a cane.

I didn't really think of it all that much until I walked around and got in the car. Once there, I wondered if I had seen the man somewhere before. I drove out of the parking spot and tried to get a second look at the man. The hat obscured his face a little, and the attire was a bit different from what I was used to, but I think that may have been one of my doctors.

So my doctors might be following me. I guess I should keep an eye out for them now...

Especially since they ruined my mood on fucking Valentine's Day, of all days.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

An analysis

Okay. Let's break down this piece of shit.

Top left of the page has the REQUIEM's symbol, surrounded by "lies" "only lies" and "He speaks lies".
Under it, we see "He watches from up close. The heardl (herald?) of death. He offers an apple to end it all."

Top right has "Ripped from my life. Stolen from everything." Underneath is the CONDUCTOR's symbol, with "He watches from afar. Holding the past in line. IT IS ONLY INEVITABLE. Only inevitable. Inevitable. Unstoppable."

Next to that, we have DECRESCENDO's symbol. To the left, there is "Such beautiful songs." And to the right, there is "They watch the progress. They instill the catalysts. They note the symptoms and the patterns. Even now, they're watching."

Below that, we have a long fucking thing that goes "They sing of the past, of their glories. They sing of the present, of suffering and betrayal. They sing of death and its sweet embrace. They sing of the future, of things which should not be. Dear God, make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop... (etc.)"

The other side has only "They don't like me writing this. Well, fuck them. They don't like it, they can deal with it." and then it turns into the scribbling that I saw in the other two pages from earlier. I thought I would be able to make some sense out of it after some rest, but it still seems like more crazy rambling to me...

Bullshit from beneath the printer

Chelsea thought that we could try cleaning up the house. She thought it might help me stop thinking about all this shit. I got the computer room, of course, since I spend a good bit of time here now.

I found something while cleaning. Under the fucking printer. Not sure why it was there, not sure I want to know what was going through my head when I put it there, but it was there. Perfectly hidden under my printer...

Seriously, did I think I'd be able to FIND it there? Who hides shit under the PRINTER?

I'm still a bit put-off by the thought that I once had the idea to hide something under the goddamn printer. Anyway, putting it up here, since you guys seem to be at least partially interested in this shit.

And the back side:

At first glance, I see those symbols again, and some examples of why I work over the telephone. Also, I can see that my handwriting seems to degrade into the incoherent scribbling that covered the papers I had when I passed out.

Too tired now to even bother with these. I might come back later and offer a translation, if you need it.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Alright. Here's what I remember from last night. I was at the computer when the 10 p.m. mark hit. The whispers started, and they seemed fairly "normal." There was the regular whispers I had heard since day 1 of this ordeal, a few new phrases found their way into the mix, but I think I read them before, in other stories pertaining to the Choir. "Let the language lead you" was used a lot, sort of in the background, behind the "normal" whispers. I had enough time to transcribe a whisper or two before the pills kicked in at around 10:05. Right when I had planned it.

Chelsea says she saw things a little differently. According to her, I immediately started typing once 10:00 came around. And I didn't stop until 10:15. She was looking the entire time as I typed up that post, and can vouch for its authenticity. I didn't speak a word, I seemed completely normal, I sat there for about 10 minutes longer than I should have, calmly typing out whatever that was. Then I suddenly shut down completely.

Yeah... So that was interesting. Not sure what to believe, but the evidence seems to back up Chelsea's claim. I think I'm done with messing with the whispers for a while now...

Monday, February 6, 2012

This was a bad idea.


The voices. In tandem, in cacophony. Singing the praises only they know how to sing.

Would you like to help us, Mr. Blake?
Peter was a good kid
It's us or the cell. Frankly, I don't see the choice here.
I wonder what happened to him
Oh don't worry. We've done this literally hundreds of times. It won't hurt a bit.
Mom, where's Peter?
A room, big, brown. Full of children listening to the professor. Another room, smaller, white, only ten or so people in this one. Another room, bigger, smells like formaldehyde.
Remember, remember, the fifth of November
Remember that smell? That sweet, awful smell?

The compound seems to have some minor side effects. While the results are generally what we expected, it seems that the compound has a tendency to cause disruptions in neurons in the frontal lobe in these quantities. The cells become unable to make connections on their own.

A voice over the intercom, I can't register what it says. I hear my name, and the doctors seem happy.

A plan

Goddamn it, I hate it that they're STILL talking about me being a schizo. I'm not even that surprised that they found out, but they found out so goddamn QUICKLY. And they won't shut up about it! The gossip hens can keep a subject alive for a couple of weeks, but it usually dies down after that. They don't seem to be stopping with this! Fuck, I'm going to hate these next couple of weeks more than usual, won't I?

As for my other problems, it's been REALLY quiet lately. I'd say uncannily quiet, but all I have to go on are all your stories, and I can't tell if they're the norm or not, or what can even be classified as "normal" in these godforsaken circumstances. Anyway, I've been avoiding being conscious during what seems to be the "hot hours" of 10 p.m. - 6 a.m. I've timed taking the sleeping pills so I'm out before 9:45, which puts me well ahead of what was the beginning of that damned whispering.

Which brings me to this idea. I haven't heard anything since that one big freak-out. I mean, the only things I could POSSIBLY attribute to the Choir at this point is my coworkers' comments and the weird, little shits going on this blog (seriously, if somebody has any idea how to keep the Choir from messing with my posts, it'd be greatly appreciated, because that's fucking annoying). But I'm not yet going to pin the gossip on them yet... This seems to be the normal gossip rounds so far... Anyway, I don't know if the whispers changed, or if they even stopped altogether. So I've got this plan. I'm going to take the pills a bit late. No more than 20 minutes. I'm going to expose myself to the whispering just long enough so I know what's changed since the freak-out.

Who knows? Maybe it'll be safe for me to be up past 10 now. God I hate having a bedtime... Anyway, the plan is to have this site up around that time, and I'll try my best to post my thoughts before the pills knock me out completely. That way if something happens I'll have a firsthand account to read from tomorrow.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

A delayed response

It's been rather quiet lately. I've been keeping to the regiment of sleeping meds, and I haven't experienced any hallucinations in the past few days. The Paradox guy seems to think things are going to start going downhill, though.

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've decided that I'm going to put that post up about my family that I promised the docs a while ago. It'll give me something to focus on for a while, at least.

My mother was a good woman. She took care of me and my three brothers after my dad left when I was five. I never really knew him all that well, and I'm sure by this point that he's long dead. Mom was a simple person, and cared for all of us the best she could. She couldn't really afford to send us to an amazing school, but she handled the child support money well enough so we could eat, sleep and learn without worries. Of course, I never realized this at the time. As a child, I felt that we were being cheated out of a good life. At one point, I gathered the idea that God was to blame for our troubles. At another, I blamed our father. I didn't realize how lucky we were to actually have a house and food and an education. I thought for the longest time that Mom wasn't doing enough to better our situation, and it took me a while to learn that she was doing all she could. She's a great person blessed with enough good sense to know what she needs to do and how her children needed to be raised.

My brothers were named Benjamin and John. Ben was a year younger than me, and we didn't really get along very well. Whatever I liked, he hated. And whatever he liked, I hated. We would constantly get into fights in home and at school, and neither one of us could stand to be around the other. Ben was the brother I knocked out last year at the family reunion. He's the reason I ended up starting therapy.

John is our youngest brother. He was a year old when Dad left, and I think the reason he left was because he couldn't handle the thought of raising four kids. He's the most timid of all of us. Ben and I were loud and outgoing, but he kept to himself a lot. He got along with the two of us much better than we got along with each other. When we were older, he became the mediator, settling our fights before punches were thrown. He was the only friend we had in common, and he's the only reason we go to the family reunions knowing the other brother would be there. He and Mom were the only level-headed people in the house, and so I guess Ben and I take more from our Dad...

I guess now's as good a time to talk about the reunion as any. The family reunion isn't necessarily the happiest of times in the year. Ben and I hate being around one another, and our aunts and uncles just seem to avoid us as best they can. They obviously don't think well of Mom for marrying Dad, having so many kids by him, and then just letting him leave. As such, they really don't like us, either. To them, we're as good as bastards. This past year, the mood hadn't changed at all. The reunion was as cold as ever. I don't quite recall what started the argument, but I remember how quickly it escalated. We were throwing punches long before John could intervene. I got a couple of good punches in on his temple, and dazed him. Three blows to the face and an uppercut later, and he was out cold. But I didn't let him fall. I grabbed his collar and held him there for an instant before throwing him on his head on the concrete below us. They called an ambulance, but I left the reunion before it could show... The next morning I got a call from my mother saying that I needed to get help... And that I wouldn't be allowed around my family until I did.

So here I am. I came to get help so I can see my family again, but I guess I wound up in a deeper mess than I thought possible...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

What I learned in class today

I've just taken my sleeping pills, so I'll try to get this up before I pass out.

First of all, I didn't see the docs this week. They didn't call or email me, so I assume they are following this.

Next, I've done a lot of reading. So the Choir is a being that controls sound, and can manifest both as a shadow in the corner of your eye, and as a mold. The REQUIEM is sort of like the afterlife? Everybody who's died ends up with him as sort of a zombie. But the pills don't come from him. They come from his drug-dealing cultists. And then there's DECRESCENDO. The stories differed on exactly what he does, but the consensus is that he makes people sick. And that symbol is used by his followers.

I've also been talking with Chelsea about all this. She can see the symbols on the bottle, as well, so they must not be a hallucination. So I guess we have to at least entertain the idea that we're caught up in this.

So. Worst case scenario. We're being targeted by the three things above, at least. If that's the case, then chances are slim that we'll survive. Best case scenario is that I'm hallucinating all of this, and the docs read a lot of internet horror and have a sick sense of humor. However, I think neither of those options are true.

The most likely scenario is that we're (I'm) being targeted by the Choir and the followers of the other two. The REQUIEM doesn't really deal with the drug trading aspect of his cult. That's their own invention. Likewise, the only thing we can really be sure about is the docs' connection to DECRESCENDO. Not DECRESCENDO's actual involvement in all this. In any case, I haven't noticed any dead people walking around, nor do I feel particularly sick.

That brings me to my third point. After talking it over with Chelsea, we've decided that we can't start running. We've got jobs and we're not exactly in the best of conditions to suddenly be homeless. Also, if I'm actually getting targeted by the Choir, then I'm going to need money for sleeping pills, and if my condition gets worse, being out there will only make it even more worse.

The pills are starting to kick in, so I've gotta end this. Long story short, we're hoping that the Choir can be confined to me, and that that third scenario is the one that's really happening. We can make this work somehow.