Goddamn it, I hate it that they're STILL talking about me being a schizo. I'm not even that surprised that they found out, but they found out so goddamn QUICKLY. And they won't shut up about it! The gossip hens can keep a subject alive for a couple of weeks, but it usually dies down after that. They don't seem to be stopping with this! Fuck, I'm going to hate these next couple of weeks more than usual, won't I?
As for my other problems, it's been REALLY quiet lately. I'd say uncannily quiet, but all I have to go on are all your stories, and I can't tell if they're the norm or not, or what can even be classified as "normal" in these godforsaken circumstances. Anyway, I've been avoiding being conscious during what seems to be the "hot hours" of 10 p.m. - 6 a.m. I've timed taking the sleeping pills so I'm out before 9:45, which puts me well ahead of what was the beginning of that damned whispering.
Which brings me to this idea. I haven't heard anything since that one big freak-out. I mean, the only things I could POSSIBLY attribute to the Choir at this point is my coworkers' comments and the weird, little shits going on this blog (seriously, if somebody has any idea how to keep the Choir from messing with my posts, it'd be greatly appreciated, because that's fucking annoying). But I'm not yet going to pin the gossip on them yet... This seems to be the normal gossip rounds so far... Anyway, I don't know if the whispers changed, or if they even stopped altogether. So I've got this plan. I'm going to take the pills a bit late. No more than 20 minutes. I'm going to expose myself to the whispering just long enough so I know what's changed since the freak-out.
Who knows? Maybe it'll be safe for me to be up past 10 now. God I hate having a bedtime... Anyway, the plan is to have this site up around that time, and I'll try my best to post my thoughts before the pills knock me out completely. That way if something happens I'll have a firsthand account to read from tomorrow.
Showing posts with label pills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pills. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What I learned in class today
I've just taken my sleeping pills, so I'll try to get this up before I pass out.
First of all, I didn't see the docs this week. They didn't call or email me, so I assume they are following this.
Next, I've done a lot of reading. So the Choir is a being that controls sound, and can manifest both as a shadow in the corner of your eye, and as a mold. The REQUIEM is sort of like the afterlife? Everybody who's died ends up with him as sort of a zombie. But the pills don't come from him. They come from his drug-dealing cultists. And then there's DECRESCENDO. The stories differed on exactly what he does, but the consensus is that he makes people sick. And that symbol is used by his followers.
I've also been talking with Chelsea about all this. She can see the symbols on the bottle, as well, so they must not be a hallucination. So I guess we have to at least entertain the idea that we're caught up in this.
So. Worst case scenario. We're being targeted by the three things above, at least. If that's the case, then chances are slim that we'll survive. Best case scenario is that I'm hallucinating all of this, and the docs read a lot of internet horror and have a sick sense of humor. However, I think neither of those options are true.
The most likely scenario is that we're (I'm) being targeted by the Choir and the followers of the other two. The REQUIEM doesn't really deal with the drug trading aspect of his cult. That's their own invention. Likewise, the only thing we can really be sure about is the docs' connection to DECRESCENDO. Not DECRESCENDO's actual involvement in all this. In any case, I haven't noticed any dead people walking around, nor do I feel particularly sick.
That brings me to my third point. After talking it over with Chelsea, we've decided that we can't start running. We've got jobs and we're not exactly in the best of conditions to suddenly be homeless. Also, if I'm actually getting targeted by the Choir, then I'm going to need money for sleeping pills, and if my condition gets worse, being out there will only make it even more worse.
The pills are starting to kick in, so I've gotta end this. Long story short, we're hoping that the Choir can be confined to me, and that that third scenario is the one that's really happening. We can make this work somehow.
First of all, I didn't see the docs this week. They didn't call or email me, so I assume they are following this.
Next, I've done a lot of reading. So the Choir is a being that controls sound, and can manifest both as a shadow in the corner of your eye, and as a mold. The REQUIEM is sort of like the afterlife? Everybody who's died ends up with him as sort of a zombie. But the pills don't come from him. They come from his drug-dealing cultists. And then there's DECRESCENDO. The stories differed on exactly what he does, but the consensus is that he makes people sick. And that symbol is used by his followers.
I've also been talking with Chelsea about all this. She can see the symbols on the bottle, as well, so they must not be a hallucination. So I guess we have to at least entertain the idea that we're caught up in this.
So. Worst case scenario. We're being targeted by the three things above, at least. If that's the case, then chances are slim that we'll survive. Best case scenario is that I'm hallucinating all of this, and the docs read a lot of internet horror and have a sick sense of humor. However, I think neither of those options are true.
The most likely scenario is that we're (I'm) being targeted by the Choir and the followers of the other two. The REQUIEM doesn't really deal with the drug trading aspect of his cult. That's their own invention. Likewise, the only thing we can really be sure about is the docs' connection to DECRESCENDO. Not DECRESCENDO's actual involvement in all this. In any case, I haven't noticed any dead people walking around, nor do I feel particularly sick.
That brings me to my third point. After talking it over with Chelsea, we've decided that we can't start running. We've got jobs and we're not exactly in the best of conditions to suddenly be homeless. Also, if I'm actually getting targeted by the Choir, then I'm going to need money for sleeping pills, and if my condition gets worse, being out there will only make it even more worse.
The pills are starting to kick in, so I've gotta end this. Long story short, we're hoping that the Choir can be confined to me, and that that third scenario is the one that's really happening. We can make this work somehow.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
What the fuck is this?
Okay. First things first. The pills DONT match up with the images. The images are round and have a line through them, the ones in the bottle are more pill-shaped and white.
But I'm not worried about that now. There was something on the inside of the cap. A stamp of some kind. One I recognize, but don't remember from where. This stamp scares me, and I don't know why... I'd take a picture of it... But our only camera got lost during the winter, and we have kind of been neglecting to replace it.
But what I do have is a scanner. I'll spend some time trying to recreate the stamp, and I'll see if I can get it to you guys.
So this means more sleeping pills for me tonight, I think.
But I'm not worried about that now. There was something on the inside of the cap. A stamp of some kind. One I recognize, but don't remember from where. This stamp scares me, and I don't know why... I'd take a picture of it... But our only camera got lost during the winter, and we have kind of been neglecting to replace it.
But what I do have is a scanner. I'll spend some time trying to recreate the stamp, and I'll see if I can get it to you guys.
So this means more sleeping pills for me tonight, I think.
A question
Okay, I've spent a lot of time thinking, and I've come to a decision.
That night I knocked myself out I had a bad hallucination. If my posts are to be believed, I imagined what you people call "The Choir."A grey shadow-thing always on the edge of my field of vision. I probably also kept hearing the whispering, but I don't know if they changed their message that night or not...
Anyway, that hallucination scared me. Badly. I still don't know why I knocked myself out or what I was trying to write on those papers, but everything points to one VERY bad trip. Since then, I've been on this regiment of sleeping medication, which frankly isn't the best for my body. But I don't want to have to deal with the hallucinations...
So I want to ask you all a question. You seem wary of these pills the docs gave me. I'm kind of wary myself, since Chelsea and I have never heard of psychiatrists just handing these things out. there wasn't a prescription, they just said "take one of these a night, and you'll be fine." The label says Haloperidol, which Wikipedia says is a fairly generic anti-psychotic. Anyway, I'm going to face my fears and open the bottle, if just to check the pills in the bottle against images pulled from Google. My question is that if the pills seem real, should I try taking one to see its effects?
That night I knocked myself out I had a bad hallucination. If my posts are to be believed, I imagined what you people call "The Choir."A grey shadow-thing always on the edge of my field of vision. I probably also kept hearing the whispering, but I don't know if they changed their message that night or not...
Anyway, that hallucination scared me. Badly. I still don't know why I knocked myself out or what I was trying to write on those papers, but everything points to one VERY bad trip. Since then, I've been on this regiment of sleeping medication, which frankly isn't the best for my body. But I don't want to have to deal with the hallucinations...
So I want to ask you all a question. You seem wary of these pills the docs gave me. I'm kind of wary myself, since Chelsea and I have never heard of psychiatrists just handing these things out. there wasn't a prescription, they just said "take one of these a night, and you'll be fine." The label says Haloperidol, which Wikipedia says is a fairly generic anti-psychotic. Anyway, I'm going to face my fears and open the bottle, if just to check the pills in the bottle against images pulled from Google. My question is that if the pills seem real, should I try taking one to see its effects?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
A list of medication
Umm... The docs gave me this stuff. Had it in their cabinet, actually. Which surprised me, since they're psychiatrists... and I thought medicine had to have a prescription, and taken to a real doctor to get filled.
But whatever, they gave me these pills. And for some reason, I really, REALLY don't want to take them.
I really don't know why... It's a generic anti-psychotic medicine. But something about it...
It fucking scares me.
It scared me ever since they opened that cabinet. There's something, and it's scaring me, and I don't know what it is.
LOOKING at the fucking bottle scares me. There's a connection I'm not entirely making here, and it's freaking me out. I mean, SOMETHING is wrong, but I don't know what it is.
I got some sleeping pills a while ago to help me get through the nights. Been taking them at 9:00 each night, before the whispering starts, and they knock me out long before 10. I think I'd rather keep to that regiment, if it's okay.
Sorry docs, but I just can't do this.
But whatever, they gave me these pills. And for some reason, I really, REALLY don't want to take them.
I really don't know why... It's a generic anti-psychotic medicine. But something about it...
It fucking scares me.
It scared me ever since they opened that cabinet. There's something, and it's scaring me, and I don't know what it is.
LOOKING at the fucking bottle scares me. There's a connection I'm not entirely making here, and it's freaking me out. I mean, SOMETHING is wrong, but I don't know what it is.
I got some sleeping pills a while ago to help me get through the nights. Been taking them at 9:00 each night, before the whispering starts, and they knock me out long before 10. I think I'd rather keep to that regiment, if it's okay.
Sorry docs, but I just can't do this.
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